Love that matters not just on Valentine’s Day: How the little moments make all the difference

Bouquets of flowers, expensive dinner, pricey jewelry and grand gestures are the stuff of romantic stories and films, but many couples find that smaller moments of affection and attention mean all the more in love’s long run.

Tammy Greene founded the “Married And Naked” podcast with that thought in mind, offering advice on creating a healthy and loving marriage. She herself revels in the small acts of kindness that her husband, Joel, often performs — and not just on Valentine’s Day.

“This morning, I woke with a migraine, so I have spent my morning in pain on the couch. After taking our son to school, my husband stopped and picked up my favorite drink and a delicious bagel, and surprised me with it,” she told The Washington Times. “That small act of love touched me so much.”

“It’s such a simple thing, but it let me know he was thinking about me and cared to go out of his way to bring a little smile to my face at a time of suffering,” Ms. Greene said. “Something as simple as an unexpected bagel can add another brick to the foundation of our love.”

The Greenes were high school sweethearts, and today they run at-home businesses. Amid the busyness of their lives, they seize opportunities to show their love and appreciation for each other, which can include small acts such as attentively listening and “genuine compliments,” Ms. Greene said.

“I feel loved when he sends me a really sweet text in the middle of his workday. I feel loved when he watches my favorite show with me, even though I know it’s not his favorite,” she said. “He makes me feel loved when he takes things off my to-do list and shares the mental load of the day.

“And I feel loved when he makes me eggs in the morning and cuts the skin off my kiwi. There are 1000 tiny ways he makes me feel loved,” she said. “The little things matter, but what matters most is his daily commitment to showing up for me.”

Michelle Shahbazyan, a marriage and family therapist in Phoenix, Arizona, agrees about the importance of those “little things.” She told The Times that micro acts of caring, such as making daily breakfast or consistently showing affection, create a sense of emotional safety that enhances the relationship over time.

“When they know that the partner can intuit what it is that they need, and then they’re providing that without having to constantly be asked, it gives a very grounded sense of love that cannot be created in any other way,” said Ms. Shahbazyan, author of “Win at Love, Win at Life.”

She critiques oversimplifying love languages, emphasizing instead that each partner’s needs may vary and that variation is crucial to fostering a deep connection.

“I don’t know anybody who doesn’t like getting gifts, but it almost overshadows what a real relationship actually is, which is very complex and multilayered and ever evolving. So if you just take it for that simple form, then you’re, like, missing the whole piece. It’s like you’re looking at the tree, not the forest,” she said.