OPINION:
In his 2001 book, “Bringing Up Boys,” James Dobson wrote: “Unfortunately, the ideas that were spawned in the seventies and perpetuated in a different form today are deeply ingrained in the culture, even though they have never made sense. Child-rearing practices have been forever changed. Many parents, for example, are ill-equipped to teach their boys how they are different from girls and what masculinity really means.”
Those words from the recently deceased child psychologist are even more true nearly 25 years later. Numerous observers now agree with Dobson’s assessment, including Robert Putnam and Richard Reeves in a recent article in The New York Times.
Starting in the 1960s, men were told they needed to cede their traditional roles of providers and protectors, stripping many men of personal ambition and clarity of roles. The result was a recipe that left most boys without a road map to follow for life and, in many cases, no one to even ask for directions.
Thus, when it comes to America’s men, we now see that suicide rates are up while college degrees are down. According to Mr. Putnam and Mr. Reeves, 1 in 10 men ages 20-24 are literally doing nothing — neither school nor work — but instead just hanging out or playing video games.
Meanwhile, when one interacts with young women, they bemoan the fact that few men are ready to be responsible husbands and fathers. They complain that all they can find are “man-children” who have yet to grow up and, sadly, may never do so.
Even young men “get it” when it comes to emptiness in their lives, even if they do not have a clue of how to rectify their plight. A Gallup poll found that 25% of boys and men ages 15 to 34 say they are lonely, while two-thirds younger than 30 believe no one cares whether they are OK or not.
Is it any coincidence that these young men find themselves drawn to pornography as a cure for their plight? Or feel emboldened by toxic misogynists such as the infamous Tate Brothers, who throw a match onto their simmering anger, resulting in their lashing out in inappropriate and dangerous ways for women and society?
Now, I want to pivot here and make it clear that I am not talking about taking opportunities away from women. For far too long, the pendulum swung too far in the other direction, denigrating their value and denying them the chance to pursue their dreams. Yet now, as often happens, the pendulum has swung too far against our young men, leaving them without purpose and a sense of self-worth.
As Dobson noted, many parents have no idea how to correct the situation because they were raised in a culture that spawned the current state of American masculinity.
For example, many young men learned discipline and male identity through organizations such as the Boy Scouts, where they could grow up and make friendships without the distraction of teenage girls. That is no longer the case. As Mr. Putnam and Mr. Reeves point out, while girls now are part of organizations such as the Scouts (now called “Scouting”) and still maintain many of their same-sex organizations, such groups for boys barely exist.
Without these positive influences, boys and men can often become angry, despondent and self-absorbed — all traits that are not good for them, women, children and our culture. They become the antithesis of being a gentleman: men who respect women, love children and take their role as a provider and nurturer of their family seriously.
That is the crux of the problem facing our boys today — the lack of male role models — whether it be a father, coach, teacher or a scoutmaster who helps guide boys in their formative years and turn them into what has been commonly known as a “gentleman.”
Instead, they choose Andrew and Tristan Tate as their role models, and our society, including women, is far worse for it.
If we are going to solve the crisis of American boys, we need to start by once again providing the opportunities, environments and relationships that mold them into responsible men. Otherwise, if we continue down this road, we will continue to see another generation of men who have no idea of who they are, what they are and how to be the providers and protectors of their families and responsible citizens they were designed to be.
Let’s once again, as parents and as a society, teach our boys these traits rather than let other forces, which are the antithesis of responsibility, civility and respect, be their instructors. We will all be the better for it.
• Tim Goeglein is vice president of external and government relations for Focus on the Family.
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