Eldercare has become a punishment

OPINION:

In Hispanic families, we are raised to care for our elders. It’s not a question; it’s a promise, and one we embrace wholeheartedly. So when my mother could no longer care for herself, I was determined to fulfill that promise with dignity, love and respect.

The system didn’t make it easy. I was caught flat-footed.

One moment, she seemed fine: independent, proud, managing on her own. Then, seemingly overnight, everything changed. Her health deteriorated at a record pace. Early signs of dementia began to surface. She could no longer live alone. I was completely unprepared for the emotional weight, the complexity of care and the sheer impossibility of navigating a broken system.

Like many others in the “sandwich generation,” I was raising young children, managing a career and suddenly responsible for long-term care decisions I never imagined I’d have to make. Everything was confusing — caregiver classifications, labor rules, Medicaid eligibility — and my mother needed help.

My first instinct was to find care for her in her own home. That was what she wanted and what I wanted for her, but every door we knocked on felt like a dead end. The caregivers we could afford weren’t available because of federal labor restrictions. Agencies had long waitlists. The hourly rates didn’t match our reality. I was running out of time.

We began touring nursing homes, hoping to find a place that felt safe and warm. What we found was heartbreaking: cold hallways, overworked staff and little sense of the dignity we wanted for my mom.

Eventually, the only viable option left was to bring her to live with us.

She was happy to be with family, and I was grateful we could offer her that, but caring for her while raising young children and working full time brought a whole new world of stress.

We looked for in-home support, but the options were rigid, expensive or completely unworkable. Medicaid services sent a revolving door of aides, most of them kind but untrained for memory care, unable to communicate in Spanish and lacking the cultural understanding needed to build trust. It was exhausting. Instead of feeling supported, we felt destabilized and alone. Out of desperation, we began paying out of pocket just to bring some consistency into the home. It stretched us financially and wasn’t sustainable.

I kept my promise. My mother spent her final days in our home, safe and surrounded by the people who loved her most, but I shouldn’t have had to fight every step of the way to give her that peace.

I know I’m not alone. This is what too many Hispanic families face.

Our community is rooted in intergenerational care. We believe in aging with dignity at home, surrounded by family. However, outdated federal regulations such as the 2013 Home Care Rule issued by the Labor Department have made that dream harder to achieve.

That rule removed a key exemption in labor law, forcing most in-home caregivers into rigid overtime pay requirements even when the caregiver is a trusted neighbor, family friend or agency worker. In theory, it sounds like protection. In practice, it means working- and middle-class families can’t afford the help they need. It limits flexibility. It forces rushed decisions. It also pushes elders out of homes and into institutions they never wanted.

The urgency is growing. Hispanics older than 65 are the fastest-growing aging group in the U.S., projected to grow from 8% of seniors in 2016 to 21% by 2060. However, many will age without the family care structures they once relied on. Acculturation, financial pressures and changing norms mean younger generations are less likely to take parents into their homes. Meanwhile, the caregiver ratio is collapsing from seven potential family caregivers per older adult in 2010 to just three by 2050.

Hispanic seniors also face higher rates of poverty and are less likely to have long-term care insurance, making private options even harder to access. Less than 6% of elderly Hispanics have private long-term care coverage, and more than 65% report doing little or no planning at all. As a result, the burden of care disproportionately falls on family members, often daughters, who must juggle caregiving with jobs, children and mounting financial stress.

That’s why I support the Independent Women’s Forum’s “Support Aging in Place” campaign. The Labor Department’s proposed rule would reverse the 2013 change and reinstate the exemption for companionship services. That means more flexibility, more affordability and more families able to keep loved ones at home where they want to be.

This isn’t about weakening protections for caregivers. It’s about restoring common sense, trusting families and caregivers to do what’s right, and prioritizing compassion and practicality over bureaucracy.

Some 88% of Americans want to age in place, but policy hasn’t kept pace with that reality, especially for families like mine.

My family’s story isn’t unique. It happens every day in homes across America, where love is abundant but support is not.

This is our moment to make caregiving work for real families. The Labor Department’s new rule is a step toward restoring common sense and compassion in caregiving. Submit your comment by Sept. 2. Speak up for your parents, your abuelos, your neighbors. Let’s build a system that supports the way we actually care.

• Judy Pino is an adviser on Hispanic issues and a Spanish-language spokesperson for the Independent Women’s Forum.