So many children spend their formative years in poverty, in broken homes, in ill-equipped schools, in crime-ridden neighborhoods. Despite these appalling conditions, some children emerge into adulthood with a strong sense of responsibility, a work ethic that puts them on a direct course to success and their moral compasses intact. Sadly, others are unable to beat the odds and grow up to lead lives that perpetuate desperate conditions. What can make the difference between youngsters who become adults who strengthen themselves and community and those who drag society and themselves down?
The answer to this perplexing question is complicated. There is no single solution, so let’s confine this discussion to the education of our youngsters. Effective education is a joint venture among family, school and community. But I don’t want to talk about teaching methods or curriculum here. Pedagogical decisions like these are usually made by elected school officials in response to the community. My primary focus here will be on the family. I believe that the home environment can make the difference between success and faillure.
What families must do
We turn our children over to the schools for half their waking day. But their education doesn’t end when the school doors close behind them. In fact, the most (and least) successful educational outcomes are a consequence of what happens at home. The family has a huge responsibility here. These are the ingredients that matter:
• Nurture — Children, until adulthood, must be nurtured by a caring, loving family that takes its parental responsibilities seriously. Children attend better in the classroom and learn more with full stomachs. Homes that stress cleanliness, healthy habits and plenty of sleep produce children who are primed to learn. When meals are eaten together, minus cell phones and TV, the table becomes a center where ideas are exchanged, language is developed and the family bonds.
• Interest and Concern — Parents set boundaries; children test them. This is how families function. At times this may create tears and tension, but parents must stick to their guns. Children will get the message that their families care about them: where they go, what they do and with whom, while making sure that they get to school every day and on time. Parents need to supervise TV and Internet activities, help with homework, buy school supplies before luxuries, discuss what goes on in school, be good listeners and remain clear and consistent about house rules.
Children need —and want — supervision. The love and approval of their parents is what every child craves. Children feel secure in the knowledge that their parents have their backs and are always around to keep them safe. A home environment like this, established while the children are young, will almost certainly guarantee a solid foundation for the teenage years. Teenagers will test the limits, but they won’t stray too far or for too long.
• Keeping schools accountable — Parents need to know what goes on in their children’s school. Arrange meetings with the teacher if they are worried about falling or failing grades. Make their voices heard by the teacher and principal if issues arise that impact their children. Parents must be involved and informed, vocal and vigilant. Schools will soon understand this concern and expect to be accountable to the parents and the community. The school’s job is to educate the children; the parents’ job is to educate the schools!
• Responsible children — Developing good schoolwork and study habits are not the job of the school alone. Parents need to check to see that homework is completed, and that time and space are allotted for study. Household chores are to be shared by all members of the family. Responsibility at home transfers to responsibility at school.
Youngsters should be required to do community service. I supervised the development of computer skills in high school students at a local university, and as part of the program they were required to teach what they learned to people at a homeless shelter. Much groaning accompanied the prospect of this unusual Saturday morning activity. But before long, the students felt good about doing good. They felt appreciated, and they reinforced what they had learned by teaching it to others.
• Role models — Above all, parents are the role models for their children. Children follow what their parents do, not what they say. If a role model is missing at home, find a mentor whom the child admires and encourage frequent contact. Churches and community organizations are good sources for mentors.
What schools must do
Schools can only flourish within a safe learning environment where materials and tools for learning are adequate, when good teaching practices are initiated and executed, when children are held accountable for active participation in their education and where the scrutiny of parents and community is welcome.
What society must do
Society needs to invest in its children, not abandon them. I have been in schools where paper and pencils are brought from home by the teachers, paid for from their own salaries. Where books are way out of date. Where the computers are locked in a closet, broken and rarely used. Where teachers are burnt out and demoralized. Where principals are replaced almost yearly.
Children are our greatest resource, our best hope for the future. It is society’s responsibility to provide the funding necessary to insure that the tools of teaching and learning are available to all of our children: books, paper, pencils, computers, Internet access, decent buildings to learn in and, above all, sufficient salaries to attract skilled, well-trained teachers and principals. This takes money, and as citizens it is our collective duty to provide it.
Barbara Fleisher, Ed.D., is co-author with Thelma Reese of “The New Senior Woman: Reinventing the Years Beyond Retirement.” ElderChicks.com
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